Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Just at midnight, so July 5th. I'm writing by my firepit's warm glow. On an 80 degree night, I'm so close to it, and it's so hot, I'm melting. The flickering effect is very cool. I've always wanted to do this...Wait, it's getting lower...There. Took some doing, but awesome job. I look forward to doing this in my new home's fireplace--all winter! He'd be surprised to know this, but I think of my father every day. I wish he'd told us more of what he was going through. I would've gone over more; I would've told him I'd loved him more often; I would've asked to stay the night, spend more time. I miss him all the time. It was so fast--better for him, of course, but...I can't believe he's gone, though it's been since the beginning of March and you'd think I'd be over it by now. Nothing's the same...
This firepit is one of the few things that calms me down. I need to actively do more of that, everyday. I need to calm down and appreciate everyone and everything more--my better half, my pets, my homes, my career, my health, my friends, my abilities, my writing. Everything!
To calm down every day, I could have my ice coffee every morning with raisin bread, like my father used to. I could wake up earlier so I'm not always hurrying and stressed. I have a feeling that I've been like that for so long that I'm stressed without realizing it. I need to read and write every day. Maybe have a firepit or a fireplace fire more often. The flickering flames and the crackling embers are fantastic! I just need to be happier! I can be, and I should be, so why aren't I?