Spiderman

Photo: Wikipedia page for "Spiderman."  From The Amazing Spider-Man #547 (March 2008); Art by Steve McNiven and Dexter Vines


A very cool entry about a missing house spider on Michael Seidel's blog amused me to no end, as I thought I was the only one with an odd connection to a pet-like house spider that was smart enough to stay out of my way.

I realized, however, that I have some very specific spider rules:

1.  Don't fall on my face. This happened at 2 a.m. many years ago, right after an inner voice said, "Look up."  I was reading a book at the time, on a typical insomniac night, when I heard that voice, and looked up.  The spider, possibly more afraid than I was, scuttled beneath the sheets.  Yuck.

2.  Don't be hangin' in front of me so that I walk into you.  This happens more often than I would've thought possible.  Recently I guided a co-worker out of the way before one landed in her hair.

3.  Don't go into my slippers.  That wasn't fun, feeling a hairy, squirrely somethin' scurry between my toes and the top of my slipper.

4.  Don't make your way into my bathroom water cup so that I feel your hairy, spindly legs when I take my allergy pill, and spit you out, and already hate the day at 6 a.m.

5.  Don't create a spider nest in my car's vents and have so many babies that about eight of them crawled quickly out of those vents and onto my hands, which were on the wheel as I was driving.  This caused my car to swerve as I was grossed out.  I pulled into a Cumberland Farms, ran in, grabbed a box of Kleenex, smashed the spiders that were still on the wheel, and to this day the guy behind the counter calls me "Spiderman."